Chapter 6: Zombie
“You’re better off without him!” “It’s his lost not yours.” “Thank God, you’re awake at last!” People actually say that to me. And I just smile and laugh… and wonder “Have you ever been in love?”
If they have been they know better than tell me that. Yeah, Alvin is not a good choice but when did the heart listen to reason and logic. Love is not calculating. It strikes you wherever/whenever it will and sometimes, when you least expect it. I’m one of the those people who have the questionable fortune of having stupid cupid release the arrow at the inappropriate (read: wrong) instance. And besides, a woman in love is a poor judge of character… (I’m making excuses…)
Of course, everybody would want to hear me say that, I’m over him. They want to hear me say that I’ve moved on and I don’t care about him anymore. In fact they would want to see me sporting a new boyfriend in the same manner that you sport your new hair/bag/shoes. And I give them that. I say I’m okay. I tell them I’m over him and that I don’t give a damn about him anymore. But I don’t display new boyfriends, only dates and fling and say that I am enjoying my single life. That satisfies them. But I know that it doesn’t fool them, nor does it fool me.
I’m breathing, eating, sleeping, laughing, smiling and working right now. That’s what I do. I don’t live. I am not alive. Alvin didn’t only hurt me when he left, he killed me. Its tantamount to driving a dagger into my heart, I had a few minutes to glance back and remember everything before realizing that the one who killed me was the one person I ever loved and, finally falling to the ground with eyes questioning him ‘why?”