Chapter 5: Diatabas: The Movie On My Mind
My first and only relationship lasted for almost eight months and boasts of three breakups. The first one was two and a half months after we got together; second after almost a month of getting back together; and the third time, hopefully the last, was a month and a half after starting anew. I cried in all three of them, a thing which I don’t normally do. And I’m not planning to make a habit of it. But now, right at this very moment, I’m fighting the urge to cry. Reminiscing the pain… is too painful.
I remember all too clearly what happened that night I broke up with him. For a whole day he hasn’t answered any of my text messages nor was he in the dorm when I called him. I was sick and worried, scared and angered at the same time. Where the hell is he? My only last resort would be to text his best friend Jorge.
Jorge came that night in the boarding house. But before he arrived I already felt that something terrible would happen. Last time I talked to him about my relationship with
Just as Raj, Jorge and me were walking on our way to the boarding house, I found out the truth. Like a slap in one’s face, it came to with such shattering force that left me with no other option except to shed tears. We stopped by a store and Raj bought junk foods for us to munch while Jorge affectionately held my head in his shoulder while I tried to control tears from springing in my eyes and my emotions from getting out of control. And as if by fate’s hand, Raj’s cell phone rang. It was
We talked. I threatened. He explained. We sorted things out. But I never told him Jorge was with us. We ended the conversation with a promise to talk and spend sometime together. I thought the worst was over.
But the worst was far from over. Jorge told it all. The late night poems for Larei, dates in SM North, arcade rendezvous, and skyflakes dinner after their dates. Every word, every single truth knifed through my heart like a sword. Every detail, every betrayal stung like bee. My heart took all the beating and the breaking. But I didn’t cry. I chose not to cry. I kept my pride… and dignity.
That night, after Jorge left, when Raj and me were alone in the room, I texted Alvin with the intention of letting him know what I found out. The message was intended to hurt and to prepare him for the call that would end his charade. I ended our relationship with a call full of accusations, rage and ego. But talking to him wasn’t enough to satisfy the murderous feelings I have inside. I called the girl.
It was past midnight when I called Larei. I wanted to call her every imaginable blasphemous word that I know. I wanted to call her a shrewd, cruel, scheming, manipulating, pretending to be damsel-in-distress bitch! But I didn’t. I haven’t got the bones to tell it to her. I have more conscience than I believe I have. So I just told her that he can have
The next day I busied myself of silly frivolities and unnecessary errands to keep my mind off him. But he came, wanting to talk things over. I fought the urge not to take him back, fought it with all of my will. It’s hard to deny yourself of the simple pleasure of seeing the one you love safely cradled in your arms. But rationality and common sense took over me that time. I won’t take him back again… at least not until he finished his little “fling”.
Back then he was afraid that I wouldn’t take him back after he got out of the door and still not have me back. But I told him I was more afraid that he wouldn’t come back to me after he goes out of the door… Minutes later I watched
I wept silently as raindrops noiselessly fell from the clouds while watching his silhouette get smaller and smaller until it was completely out of sight. I couldn’t help but think that the sky and stars must have seen and heard everything and cried for my sorrow. I wiped the tears away, hoping that I could wipe my pains in similar fashion. I dried my eyes, wishing that I could find myself and learn to love again. And gently, like a breeze, I bid my love goodbye.